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How to kill office drama

How to kill office drama

June 07, 2017

Office drama is real. And it’s ugly.

Scott’s dad was difficult, very difficult. He was critical, inflexible and overbearing. The two had been in business together for decades, but things were getting over the top.

To make matters worse, Scott was in the investment industry. His hands were constantly tied with regulations and attorneys were ready to jump all over him at the slightest mistake. He was in a constant state of anxiety.

Here’s when things got interesting.

Scott and I were working together and this issue started to bubble over. The more we peeled back, the more obvious the real issue became. It wasn’t really about his dad or the stresses of his job. It was about himHe felt like a victim.

I’m going to share how Scott changed his world by changing his story.

This isn’t about warm and fuzzies or “positive thinking.” This is getting at the real heart of the nasty office drama that’s holding you and your team back from productivity and success.

How will you make this real?

Learn the 6 Steps to Move from Victim to Creator and kill the office drama.

It’s called the Karpman Drama Triangle.

Dr. Stephen Karpman theorized that every “story” has 3 characters: Victim, Persecutor and Rescuer.

Victim: Feels persecuted, powerless, and denied. Thinks “poor me”.

Persecutor: Critical, puts others down because they’re not “good enough”, feels it’s always the Victim’s fault.

Rescuer: Needs to “save” the Victim. Provides support regardless of if it’s a good idea. Needs to feel needed.

Learn more about the Karpman Drama Triangle here.

Why does the Drama Triangle matter for you and your team?

Drama stinks. It totally messes up companies and relationships. Understanding the Drama Triangle enables you to look at the story from a bird’s eye view and more importantly change the story.

Let’s go back to Scott.

He viewed himself as a Victim, constantly attacked by his dad and the stresses of his job- the Persecutors. His thinking was full of self-pity and helplessness.

The breakthrough came when he was able to understand the “story” and change the script.

Scott went from Victim to Creator. What does that mean?

A Victim is stuck in a story of oppression by a person, job, a disease, a lack of income, etc. The way to break out of Victim thinking is to start viewing the oppression as a challenge to overcome. Instead of being passive and reactive, the Victim shifts to a proactive state and becomes an empowered Creator of his reality.

Scott rewrote his story. He made the shift to view his dad and career as challenges to make him better. He figured out what he could control and what he couldn’t. He let go of anything that was out of his hands and went into Creator mode on that which he could control. He became a chooser who tapped into his innate creativity and problem solving.

Here’s what happened.

Scott made a proactive choice. He created an ultimatum with his dad: either he would leave the company or buy out his dad. Intense, I know.

Instead of viewing himself as stuck in a difficult industry and staying in Victim mode, he decided that he would use it as an opportunity to build a top-notch organization.

The Drama Triangle enabled Scott to move from Victim to Creator and gave Scott the perspective and vocabulary he needed to overcome his challenges.

(P.S. He bought out his dad and is in the process of taking his team and systems to a new, powerful level.)

Here’s the real secret. It starts with you.

If you want to build a team of leaders who view themselves as proactive Creators, you have to shift your mindset first.

Remember Dylan the Disappointed Downer? The leader from our Meeting Mastery Workshop who’s constantly complaining and bringing everyone around him down.

It’s time to kiss Dylan goodbye.

Now I know it’s easier said than done. When you’re the leader you shoulder the bulk of responsibility. It’s easy to feel bogged down and negative about all the problems in the company. In fact, it’s practically an “occupational hazard” of being a leader.

But if you want to grow and build a thriving company full of empowered leaders, you have to be willing to make the shift from Victim to Creator.

Think about the most effective leaders you know. Are they complainers? Do they view themselves as Victims trapped in an impossible situation? I can almost guarantee that the answer is no.

The underlying assumption that you have to embrace is that the world is a good place. People are good. Everything that you encounter can be an opportunity for you to grow and improve.

How will you make this real?

Learn the 6 Steps to Move from Victim to Creator and kill the office drama.

Stay tuned! Next week I’ll be discussing how to go from Rescuer to Coach- the next step in killing the drama once and for all.

Taking you from where you are to where you want to be,

Jon